In every class at school there are always those kids with the annoyingly pushy parents. You know: the ones who cut the crusts off the sandwiches before cutting them into stars or dinosaurs and carefully extract the blue Smarties before putting them in the lunch box. These are the parents who carry the children’s games bags over to the lockers for them and walk their eleven year-olds into the classroom every day to have a ‘little chat’ with the form teacher.


RT as a young, quite unattractive and round child was kicked out of the car into school with a hunk of bread, carton of milk and cube of cheese. Well, might as well have been compared with what the others had in the class. As we opened our lunch boxes to see what delights our Mums had packed into them, it was always a tense moment. Eyes darted around to see who had the cheese cube, and who got the legendary cheese strings. For RT it was the standard ham and tomato ketchup sandwiches, crisps, apple and water (or squash depending on what level of insanity Constantly Stressed Mum had been pushed to that morning).
 

As you can imagine even though they’re normally marked around £3 a pot, Cadbury’s Mousses’ with the little chocolate pieces (you know the ones I mean) were common in the lunch boxes of ‘those girls’. ‘Those girls’ were the ones who sat on the same table all together with their amazing packed lunches and their shiny hair and their Lelli Kelli shoes. Hate is a strong word but RT severely disliked these people.
 

WHO HAS THE TIME TO CUT THE SANDWICHES INTO DINOSAURS FOR KIDS WHO DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT A DINOSAUR IS?! WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!
 

I could always see Mum gazing over at the tribe of ‘Mrs Fur Gilet with Stilettos Even Though You’re Carrying a Four Year Old’s, still wearing her slippers after forgetting to take them off. 'Don’t worry Mum', I’d say… you’re better than all of them. This was as I could feel the crusts of my sandwiches weighing me down through my backpack.

Well, who’s the better person today? I don’t know. I’m definitely the bitterer.  Maybe this has bettered me for the world at present, leaving me ready to take on anything after having to, at the age of 4, leave the crusts from my lunchbox sandwiches of my own accord.